Well, darling it's almost 2 am, and you're so bloody occupied with the thousand of questions. You have started to spend so many hours in front of the computer. PC is your tool, is your fucking friend, your alternative and alienated world (from the others). World, filled with no less than a minor self-escapes from unacceptable reality.
Today, I have realised I'm not going to spend New Year's Eve with anyone, except myself and my cat! I'm such a jerk, but finally, I feel good about that. There will be no compromises. Just a few hours ago, I was still cherishing the stupid idea I will go with my friend to a club with domestic rock music, and blah, blah. But somehow all the tickets with reserved places were sold. So the only solution was to buy a ticket and to stand on your feet, possibly whole night. I have never been delighted about that idea, even when I was much younger than today. Well, for god sake, how can I wear high heels and stand the whole time? It's not the problem in choosing the proper shoes, but my friend has started to boolshit, and at a certain point I found myself totally cooled off about that idea. Well, she is not at all delighted with actual fact that she'll have to go only with me. Why? There are a millions of "because" - like, it's better when there are more people, somebody has to keep an eye on our bags, you have to spend a money on your wardrobe, even when the music is not so good and the food is not so tasty you will remember that night by your friends. Oh, will I?!?!?!? Oh, I can't stand so many unnecessary explanations. I have something on my mind. I will not spend that evening with her, but I didn't tell her yet. I will in a couple of days. I have to think about some rational or irrational reasons. I don't want to make her mad. Also, I don't attend to go to her place instead of some out-doors action. I don't want to be a successor of moronic Serbian habits, like to sit in front of TV and look narrow-minded shows, to eat greasy pork roast (I hate it!!!), malodorous pickled cabbage and to drink cheap red wine - which she probably keeps from last visit of guests with a lack of taste.
The point is I'll be going to prepare something nice for myself or I'm not going to prepare anything. That will be a decision upon my spot mood! For sure, I will have a great red wine and some gourmets which goes with it. Better to have a few quality things than a bunch of shit. That's the problem with nostalgia!
Are people going to prepare same New Year's menu until they die, or maybe there's a tiny chance they'll find some alternatives and try something new?!
I see I don't give a damn and that is great. I'm just going to be on service to my mom, because she'll have some unrealistic ideas (as always) and she'll need assistance. So, I'll be there and I'll be of any help, even if I think there is no need for useless parade. If she is gonna be happy, I'll be happy 'cause of her happiness.